Zeke’s talents make up for his incompetence

by Dennis Dalman

editor@thenewsleaders.com

Zeke has a hunter’s instinct but no skills to match, and he has never caught even a squirrel, but it’s not for lack of trying. One time, chasing a squirrel, he almost knocked over a mailman.

Poor Zeke. Even his owner, Lee Hart of Sartell, calls him “completely incompetent, as bumbling as Elmer Fudd.”

But no matter. Aside from his hunting clutziness, Zeke, who is a springer spaniel mix, has more talents than other dogs have ticks and fleas. In fact, he can hunt – in his own way – by wheedling for food.

And what’s his favorite?

“Anything!” Hart said. “Everything! When there’s food around he just goes nuts.”

And when it comes to food, Zeke is a masterful actor. He knows exactly how to look sad, how to beg and whimper, how to fake hunger, how to drool profusely, how to look pitifully sad and neglected, how to give an end-of-the-world look. It usually works.

While walking in Sartell’s Northside Park with Hart and his wife, Susan, poor hungry pitiful Zeke has conned many a hot dog or tasty morsel from picnickers whose hearts melted at his begging antics.

Though loaded with talents, Zeke is riddled with phobias. He’s afraid of other animals, especially cats. The feline teasers in the neighborhood know it, and so they purposely aggravate that wuss of a dog. When they see him out for a walk, they’ll often arch their backs, stick their tails up and hiss in his direction. Cowering Zeke freaks out and runs trembling to hide behind his master.

Zeke is afraid to ride in the car. He is afraid of loud sounds, especially gun-like sounds. During Fourth of July weekends, when fireworks are crackling near and far, the Harts have to give Zeke a doggie form of Prozac to calm him down.

“If he hears so much as a firecracker, he goes running to hide under a bed,” Hart said.

Oddly enough though, Zeke, unlike most dogs, is not afraid of the mailman or UPS deliverers or FedEx employees. He’s made friends with them in split seconds, and when he sees them, he wags his tail and barks with joy.

“That’s the only time Zeke barks,” Hart said. “He barks only when he’s happy.”

One day, a FedEx man – a new one – was delivering a package to the Hart home. At just that moment, Zeke saw a squirrel standing behind the delivery man. Zeke, like a streak of canine lightning, shot from the front door. The FedEx man froze in panic and fear. And then, in a blink, Zeke dashed right between the man’s legs in a useless beeline pursuit of the squirrel.

“He doesn’t seem to know that squirrels don’t run in a straight line,” Hart said. “Zeke runs at full blast in a straight line even after the squirrel takes a right angle.”

It’s yet another example of poor Zeke’s “Elmer-Fudd” incompetence.

And now, it’s time to praise Zeke. He is, Hart said, the most loving and friendly pooch imaginable. He walks with Lee and Susan always without a leash and will not leave their sides. He is fond of people – especially food-bearers – and wouldn’t think of biting anybody or anything, except food. He barks only when he’s happy. When he’s trying to express his other wants or moods, he makes a delightful series of sounds that are half dog/half human.

“He makes the darnedest sounds,” Hart said. “He mutters, groans, squeaks, even giggles. And the only time he barks is when he means ‘Hello!’”

Many people in Sartell may already know Zeke without knowing it. He is the sweet, adorable black-and-white dog that waits with infinite patience right outside the doors of Sartell Coborn’s in north Sartell. Many customers pause and smile at Zeke or say hello. When Lee takes him shopping there, Zeke always sits outside, his intense gaze fixated upon the doors, waiting for them to open, for his master to finish shopping so they can walk happily back home.

Three-chance dog

Zeke, now about 10 years old, is a rescued dog, a three-chance dog.

About 11 years ago, Lee and Susan Hart and their son David, then 10, worked occasionally as volunteers at the St. Cloud Tri-County Humane Society.

“We saw a lot of dogs there, of course, but that one – the one named Zeke – just struck us as if he’d make a good pet. He had such a sorrowful look, and he didn’t ever bark.”

Zeke had already had two chances, having been adopted out twice by the humane society, but both times his new owners reluctantly brought him back for one reason or another.

The Harts made up their minds to adopt him. They have not only not regretted it, they are extremely happy with their loyal and loving Zeke.

“David is now 22 and living away from home, so we often say Zeke is our only child,” Hart said.

Hart, now retired, was an electrical engineer who worked with many famous companies, among them Kodak, Honeywell and Robert Shaw Controls. Dr. Susan Hart is an endocrinologist for CentraCare. Son David is a security guard who is contracted out to various places, currently at the hospital in Staples.

The Harts have lived in Sartell since 1998, the last 10 of them with an oddball pooch that can best be described – in a word – as “wonderful.”

Lee Hart, who dubs himself “an amateur poet,” penned a song about Zeke entitled “Zeke the Streak.” It was inspired somewhat by the old comical-hit song “The Streak” by Ray Stevens.

The following is one of its three refrains:

“Here he comes . . . there he goes.

He’s just following his nose.

That’s why we call him the Zeke.

Fastest thing on four feet.

If there’s food to be had,

It will drive him half mad

To get something to eat.”