T.S. Eliot wrote in his poem, The Hollow Men:
“This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.”
These days, we have to wonder if the world will end not with a whimper but a tweet – a Trumpian tweet. Here are my satirical “takes” on Trump’s temper-tantrum tweeting habits:
“Don’t forget: I AM the King – I mean the President. You who are not loyal to me are all peasants. Groveling peasants. So you can kiss my royal ring.”
“Department of Justice? JOKE. More like Dept. of Injustice. They’re out to get me. Believe me! That much I can tell you. They’re as bad as the FAKE MEDIA. Lies, lies, lies. SAD.”
“When I’m attacked, I always think of inauguration day, with the sun shining brightly down upon me, with trumpets on high blaring, with angels hovering and with the biggest crowd of cheering people of any inaugural in the history of America. GLAD!”
“Now we have proof it’s nothing but a FAKE NEWS witch hunt. When I met President Putin, I asked him, ‘Did you or Russia meddle in that election?’ He looked at me with those sweet, sad eyes of his and said, ‘Absolutely not, Donnie!’ See? Just like I said all along. He himself told me he didn’t. Right from the horse’s mouth.”
“No more transgenders in the military. If they can’t make up their mind about their sex, how are they going to make decisions in combat or whatever? All those surgeries to get different body parts! It will bankrupt the nation. SAD. That was nitwit Obama’s doing. He’s the one who let them in the military. Dumb as his O-Care disaster. STUPID.”
“Last week I created more jobs than were ever created in the history of the world. Believe me! Phoney Media ignored it.”
“This new tax-cut-for-the-rich proposal – I mean health-care bill – is going to be tremendous. Really tremendous. Low premiums. Better care. Billions in tax cuts for the rich. The BEST. They claim 16 million people will lose care. LIES! If those people lose care, it will be their own fault. Too cheap or too lazy to pay for their premiums. BAD!”
“What’s this crap about climate change? Another lie. Freezing cold in New York City the other day. They call that climate WARMING? I had to don my fox-fur overcoat just to leave my Tower.”
“A.G. Jeff Sessions has got to go. That Alabama weasel betrayed me as soon as I got him his high-and-mighty job. He’s joined the FAKE RUSSIA plot against me! He’s as bad as showboat fraud J. Comey. SICK!”
“3 million dead people leaped up from their graves to vote for Crooked Hillary. Did she spend all her time campaigning in cemeteries? Raising the dead! What a feat! Those dead people all voted for Hillary. Stolen votes. Voting fraud. Lock her up!
“They invited Sean Spicer to be on Dancing with the Stars? What a joke. Can you just see him doing the cha-cha-cha with Clubfoot Hillary. I and my queen – I mean wife – could out-dance Fatso Spicer any night of the week. And I’d like to know why I wasn’t invited. What am I – chopped liver? SAD.”
“I feel like going over to CNN and knocking around a few blockhead reporters today. I’ll beat the bleep out of them. Think I’ll take a few Boy Scouts along. Show ‘em how it’s done.”
“I’m warning Congress they better vote 100 percent for that Fat-Cat Tax Cut – I mean health-care bill. If they don’t, I’ll make them pay for The Wall. Meantime, I’ll be in my Oval Office at my desk, pen in hand!”
“Remember, I won! I’m the PRESIDENT. So don’t cross me. I can fix anything all by myself. That I can tell you. And I can leap tall buildings in a single bound, like Superman. I’m better than Superman because I’m President. He isn’t. “
“The White House is functioning perfectly. It’s functioning so good I can hardly believe it. And if the FAKE NEWS doesn’t stop picking on me, I’m going to pack up and go home! Believe me. Living in this big swamp is a hard job because of all the bullies who use me like a punching bag. If I quit, then what are they going to do? They’ll be mighty sorry. They won’t have a GREAT PRESIDENT anymore. Without me, they’re all just a bunch of wimps. SAD. BAD. MAD.”
“Just wait til the jealous FAKES see me on Mount Rushmore, right up there with Honest Abe!”
“That North Korean twerp is about to get an atomic knuckle sandwich. My missiles are bigger than his missiles. He better start digging a deep hole.”
