There has never been a shortage of direct evidence that our society is obsessed with denying and covering weakness. It’s even embedded in our operationalized understandings of “supporting” individuals living with mental health and/or mental illness diagnoses.
Skeptical?
Pause for a moment from every other activity and stimulus engaging your senses and try to focus only on reading and completing the next sentence: “When I was growing up and things were difficult, I always heard ‘…………’”
What is the first thing that popped into your mind? Be sincere. “Suck it up, buttercup!” “What are you crying about?” “You gotta be a lot tougher than that if you’re gonna…play football…join the military…(fill in the blank)…” “Chin up!” “God helps those who help themselves.”
If you ponder these (and more contemporary) phrases for more than just a moment, how likely does it seem these phrases were experienced as “comfort” by their recipient?
The human capacity to simply sit with someone in their pain, to take their lead, varies from person to person. To combat the discomfort and, often, sense of helplessness that accompany the experience of supporting our friends and loved ones living with symptoms, a framework exists that helps the support person weather their own emotions. If this assists the client, it’s often considered a wonderful by-product. This assistance is often mistaken for the framework’s primary purpose.
There is a way to explore whether this rings true with everyday experience: ask and listen.
Take a deep breath and quietly ask yourself, perhaps while thinking of a particular person or situation, “What do you need to hear right now?” Listen as the answer comes. This, in itself, may be uncomfortable but try to stay with it for a handful of seconds. Take a breath. What did you hear?
Among the overwhelming multitude of possible responses, it’s highly unlikely the majority of them mirrored the sentiments found in, “Suck it up!”.
Supporting people living with mental health and/or mental illness diagnoses is a complex experience. It’s also part of the “human condition.” It takes all kinds of communication.
Practice asking the question, “What do you need to hear right now?” and listening for the response. As we learn how to focus our advocacy outward, we’ll begin to learn how best to support our self as well as others.
