by Dennis Dalman
Nobody should grieve alone.
That is the deeply held belief of Tami Kruzel of Sartell, who knows all too well what those four words mean. Kruzel’s 18-year-old daughter, BriAnna, died suddenly, unexpectedly at home on Sept. 28, 2013. To this day, the cause of her death has never been determined.
The agonizing grief for her daughter was never-ending, day in, day out and every night.
“It was the loneliest journey,” she recalled.
The grief still remains she said, but it’s less debilitating because Tami Kruzel has reached out to find comfort in others – those going through the same wrenching grief that she had endured – alone mostly, other than comfort from her family – husband Randy and sons Brandon and Josh.
The thing about grief, she said, is those going through it absolutely need more than anything else to communicate and share with others who have themselves experienced terrible losses. That personal connection, knowing for sure someone else truly understands it on a primal level, helps people endure their own grief, helps them heal, Kruzel noted.
And now, Kruzel is a trained and certified “grief companion” reaching out to others who are stricken by grief, helping them share (and lessen) their persistent pain and profound sadness.
Training/certification
She is one of three area women who all made three trips to Fort Collins, Colo. for 150 hours of training sessions at the Center for Private Loss and Life Transition. Founded in 1983 by Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, who is a noted author, educator and grief counselor, Wolfelt himself teaches the training seminars. Along with Tami, the students from this area were Julie Keller Dornbusch of Miltona (just north of Alexandria), who teaches at the College of St. Benedict; and Tonia Maciej of Foley. The classes they completed included Grief Companioning Skills, Support-Group Facilitator, Companioning Bereaved Parents, Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Grief, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Companioning the Traumatized Griever and Suicide Grief, and Companioning for the Mourner.
Kruzel emphasized she and the others are not therapists – rather, grief companions.
“We are here to be there with those who are grieving,” she said. “To shed tears, hold a hand, a shoulder to cry on. Nobody should grieve alone.”
Recently, Kruzel counseled a man who had suffered several grief traumas. In 2019, a sister committed suicide by hanging, a brother died of an overdose, a grandmother who had been a surrogate mother to the man, died recently.
Then there are those who’ve lost a spouse or a child or women who have suffered miscarriages – some of them having had multiple miscarriages.
Referrals
Kruzel and the other grief companions get referrals from hospitals and from Stearns County from people seeking help from someone who will understand, first-hand, what they are going through.
They have even had online requests – most recently from a person in Italy and a person in Israel.
In addition, the three women partner with the Veterans Resource Enrichment Center in St. Cloud, not specifically for grief companioning but for social activities. Called the “Grief Connection,” it’s a social time for veterans and others to “hang out,” get to know one another and to do activities such as making memorial wreaths for those they loved and lost.
What would Bri do?
Shortly after losing her daughter, Tami and Randy Kruzel and supporters formed an organization called “What Would Bri Do?” in honor of BriAnna.
Their daughter was a bright, outgoing, kind and generous young woman who loved to help others. She was an award-wining participant in the Girl Scouts and in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program through which she mentored a “Little Sister.”
The organization the Kruzels founded held fundraisers and used the proceeds – thousands of dollars – to give scholarships, to support good local causes such as Big Brothers Big Sisters and to help in so many other says. In BriAnna’s honor, they set up a stunning statue of an “Angel of Hope” near the edge of Lake Francis in Sartell, a place of remembrance and a vigil for others who have lost children.
Tami Kruzel’s grief companion work is an extension of the “What Would Bri Do?” healing processes. After many years, the Kruzels managed to open an office for their work at Midtown Square mall in St. Cloud. It can now be used as a place for grief companioning and program planning to help others. The office suite hosts a Loss Support Group from 6-8 p.m. on Tuesday evenings.
Bri’s Lodge
What Kruzel is hoping and planning for is a facility she will name “Bri’s Lodge.”
After her daughter’s passing, Tami and Randy heard about a grieving lodge in Wisconsin, a weekend retreat place where hurting parents could meet and share their anguish and pain. Their time at that lodge, meeting others who truly understand, helped the Kruzels begin their healing process.
Now, they are hoping to find land in their area and enough donations to build and to operate “Bri’s Lodge” similar to the one in Wisconsin. They are also seeking people with mental-health experience who might like to volunteer for the overall effort. Kruzel and others can also do grief-companion training for others willing to give it a try.
To donate to the lodge effort, people can send a check to “Bri’s Lodge,” 3400 First St. N., Suite 305, St. Cloud, MN 56301.
To find out more about the lodge, visit the website at Brislodge.com.
This picture, taken about 10 years ago, shows the Kruzel family of Sartell. From left to right are Brandon, Tami, Randy, BriAnna and Josh.
