by Dennis Dalman
When Meg Flynn talks about children, her listeners hear a lilting lullaby of protection, nurturing, respect and all-embracing love.
Flynn, a Sartell resident, has recently had a book published entitled “Messages from the Children: Every Stage is a Gift.” The book is a user-friendly manual of how parents and other adults can create an environment and conditions in which children can thrive with their developmental needs fully realized.
Flynn has impeccable credentials; she knows whereof she speaks. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist with special training in child development. Flynn earned a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the University of St. Thomas, a graduate degree in early child family education from St. Cloud State University and a bachelor’s degree in psychology and theology from the College of St. Benedict.
She is the owner/director of New Directions Counseling & Training in St. Cloud, just south of Sartell. She and her husband, Shawn, who is an intensive-care unit nurse at the St. Cloud Hospital, have two daughters – Tess, who just finished sixth grade at Sartell Middle School; and Grace, who just completed second grade at St. Francis Xavier School. The family has a beloved pet golden doodle dog, Chloe.
“Messages from the Children” consists of five chapters, each outlining a stage in child development: Birth to One, Ages One to Five, Ages Five to Eight, Ages Eight to Fifteen, and Ages Fifteen to Twenty-five. It also contains “Tips for Parents,” “Resources” and an outline of Flynn’s “Life Mapping Program” that she uses often in her therapy work. She designed that program “to take people back into their personal history to understand the roots of strengths and patterns and how they impact current behaviors, belief systems and interactions with others.”
The Life Mapping Program is a kind of personal inventory of the self, a tool for helping people realize and then correct any negative patterns that block developing a person’s happy, healthy potential.
“Messages from the Children” is thoughtful, lively, bright and positive, highly informative and festooned with colorful illustrative hearts all through it, which lend a joyous visual ambience to the text.
Flynn often mentions the “informational overload” parents and children are deluged with in this busy world.
“It’s just too much,” she said during an interview with the Newsleaders. “It’s important to have play time with kids, and let them lead us (in the playtime). That’s my joy. It’s so good to go back to enjoying and being in the presence of play with children. There is joy in the moment.”
The following are some words of wisdom and advice from Flynn:
When children are over-stimulated or over-stressed, possibly from informational overload, parents might not understand the kids are acting out and over-reacting. That is because those kids are trying to tell their parents they do not feel right, that something is wrong.
Limit exposure to technological gadgets. Rather, rediscover the joy of family connections. Again, play is important, even if it’s only five or 10 minutes, such as a quick game of hide-and-seek in the house. Reading storybooks aloud together is also a great way to engage children and fill them with delight. So is singing together, such as while in a car.
Small intimate moments establish healthy, happy bonds: giving hugs, cuddling, saying hello, saying goodbye, giving reassuring hugs and compliments.
Children can tend to take on adult worries, and it can be too much for their little nervous systems, so parents and other adults should not “worry out loud” around children. Instead, Flynn recommends letting “your love shine.”
Here are some words of advice from Chapter 1:
“When we hold and sing to the babies, they feel so loved. This is how babies bond and learn to trust you . . .
“Parent: I hold and rock you while I sing you a lullaby. I smile and make eye contact when I feel you.
“Child: “I feel loved and connected. I learn the gift of self-love, which allows me to love myself and others throughout my entire life.”
Flynn notes that the following are affirmations every child wants to feel, to internalize: I am loved; I am safe; I am protected; I am provided with loving, gentle conditions; I am nurtured; I am cherished; I am given skin-to-skin time with my parents; I am attended to when I cry; I can trust my caregivers to meet my needs with love.
All through the book, Flynn provides common-sensical, down-to-earth advice and good tips. They are the kinds of tips, of behaviors, that it’s all too easy for adults to forget or to overlook – often because of hectic lives and informational overload.
“Show don’t tell” is a recurrent theme of the book. Much of Flynn’s sage advice is for parents to learn how to “show,” to model their own good behavior, rather than to “tell” or preach or yell to their children. Here are some of her tips for parents:
Showing by Example: “There is an incredible opportunity in every stage for the adult to model and gift for the child. This is not only a benefit to the child but to the adult as well.
Self-Love: “When you take time to love yourself for who you are, instead of what you do, you show your child the importance of self-love.”
My Feelings Matter: “When you are able to identify your feelings (happy, sad, mad, afraid, content), you teach your children how to do the same.”
Self-Acceptance: “When you look inward for approval instead of outward, you show your child the importance of self-acceptance.
My Friends Matter: “When you find and nurture healthy friendships, you teach your child to find joy in community.”
A critical blurb on the back cover of the book states this:
“Whether you are a new parent struggling to adjust to the demands of caring for a newborn, or a seasoned parent navigating the challenges of raising a teenager, this book offers a roadmap for creating a family life that is both fulfilling and enriching. This book is a must-read for anyone who wants a home that is filled with love, joy and creativity.”
“Messages from the Children” can be ordered at Flynn’s New Directions website: newdirectionsct.com. It can also be ordered at Amazon.com.
This is the cover of Meg Flynn’s recently published book.
Book author and therapist Meg Flynn of Sartell
