Did you know Lady Diana was still alive before she died?
I didn’t, either. Not until the other day, when I saw a headline that stated:
Diana was still alive hours before she died
Shocking. Just imagine – alive, then dead.
That’s one of many headlines a news colleague emailed me last week. In the email attachment, there are about two dozen headlines that have been photographed from a variety of newspapers. I have to wonder, though, if some are hoaxes because a few are so obscene and/or just plain dumb I cannot imagine how any headline writer could have written them – even in haste – without knowing how “bad” they are. It’s hard to imagine how such headlines could have escaped the eagle-eyed attention of a proofreader, unless the proofreader called in sick that day.
However, I know all too well how “blooper” headlines can happen. During a hectic day, when a newspaper staff is scrambling under deadline pressure to put together a paper for publication, the hurried last-minute writing of some headlines can lead to awful mistakes. It can happen within hastily written stories, too. My own most regrettable blooper is: “Adolescence is the confusing corridor that leads from childhood to adultery.”
When I read goofy headlines, I laugh, but then I cringe, knowing first-hand how easily they can happen.
Here are some of the other “bloopers” sent to me, with my parenthetical reactions:
Barbershop singers bring joy to school for deaf
(Those singers must have been awfully good-looking.)
Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement
(So does Minsota’s, I’m told)
Hospitals resort to hiring doctors. Physician shortage prompts move, administrators say
(Good grief, what next?! Will they soon be hiring paroled killers?)
New sick policy requires 20-day notice
(You feel a sneeze coming on, you better call the boss quick.)
Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs
(You don’t say! I kept wondering what the heck those buzzing pests were.)
Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800-pound ball on his head
(Poor guy. Anatomically challenged, apparently.)
Bridges help people cross rivers
(Oh, that’s so good to know. Now I can leave my swim trunks at home.)
Man accused of killing lawyer receives new attorney
(Sure hope that man likes attorneys better than lawyers.)
Police arrest everyone on Feb. 22
(Not me they didn’t. On that day, I was hiding under the bed.)
Starvation can lead to health hazards
(You can say that again. Just try my new no-fat, no-salt diet once. It’s killing me.)
Total lunar eclipse will be broadcast live on Northwoods Public Radio
(Can’t wait. I’ve always wanted to hear a total eclipse. It’s probably really loud.)
Miracle cure kills fifth patient
(Always, always ask, before any kind of cure, miracle or not, “Hey, doc, am I your sixth patient?”)
Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee
(I bet those legislators had a high old time that day.)
Statistics show teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25
(Well, duh! That’s not surprising. It’s because teens older than 25 tend to be more responsible about birth control.)
Homeless survive winter: now what?
(Here’s what: They might have to survive summer, too – like the hot, humid, hellish summer we all had to survive last year.)
Homicide victims rarely talk to police
(I don’t blame them. When I’m dead I’m going to keep my mouth shut. Can’t believe some goners have the gall to keep talking, especially to police.)
Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons
(Yup, smart agents. That’s a good place to start looking for weapons.)
Parents keep kids home to protest school closure
(Those moms and dads finally have their thinking caps on. Now the kids won’t have to hang around on the playground all day, hungry and cold, waiting for the school to open.)
