U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy is concerned about the enormous stresses of parenting – to the point where he has declared it an urgent nationwide mental-health concern.
When Murthy and his wife, Alice, first became parents, a friend told Murthy he had just signed up for a “lifetime of joy and worry.”
He soon discovered the truth of what that friend had said. When the Murthys’ daughter was 1 year old, an infection developed in one of her legs, requiring emergency surgery. Fortunately, the daughter recovered and thrived.
But Murthy remembers the worry, the fear, the stress:
“My wife and I felt helpless and heartbroken,” he wrote. “We got through it because of excellent medical care, understanding workplaces and loved ones who showed up and reminded us that we were not alone.”
The “joys” of parenting have been abundant, Murthy noted, but he added: “The truth is it (parenting) has also been more stressful than any job I’ve had. I’ve had many moments of feeling lost and exhausted.”
And he has met many parents throughout America who told him the same about the joys and worries of being parents – those who feel lucky to be raising kids but who are struggling, often in silence and alone.
A recent study by the American Psychological Association found 48 percent of parents say most days their stress is “completely overwhelming.” That is especially true of single parents. There are money worries, safety worries, constant anxieties in trying to divide time between children’s needs and jobs, deep concerns about the effects of social media on kids, worries about gun violence, unrealistic expectations by others, a struggle to get enough sleep and fears about the future.
Among Murthy’s recommendations are these:
Expand access to early childhood education, maternal health programs, a mental-health crisis hotline for children and adults, paid time off when needed for a new baby or a sick child, secure and affordable child care, safe and affordable before- and after-school care programs, safe playgrounds as well as community centers and libraries. Both children and adults can benefit from the positive social interactions that take place in those safe settings. Many of the above programs and amenities are in place in most areas of the nation, but Murthy recommends they be strengthened and extended.
He also strongly advises people (friends, neighbors, family members) reach out to struggling parents and offer to help out in any ways they can, even the smallest of ways. That alone, Murthy said, is a huge emotional relief to struggling parents – just to know someone cares. Just as important, parents must learn that asking for help is not a weakness but a strength.
Murthy notes loneliness and exhaustion can easily affect parents’ mental health and well-being. And that, in turn, can affect the mental health of children.
Murthy’s initiatives and wise advice is exactly what this country – and the world – needs right now. Raising awareness of the problem is a big step toward solving the ongoing crisis.
Murthy wrote this: “My friend was right about the joy and the worry. Given the responsibility it entails, raising children is never going to be without worry. But reorienting our priorities in order to give parents and caregivers the support they need would do a lot to ensure the balance skews toward joy.”