The word “hard” comes to mind when I think about what a lot of us went through during the 2020-21 school year. I know there is still a month left of summer and I don’t want to rush that month away, but I can’t help trying to mentally prepare myself for another school year.
Last year, I had a son starting his first year of high school and a daughter in elementary. We all have stories of struggles and even triumphs for what we experienced. Even though I am looking forward to getting back to a routine, the fear I have for what is to come is very real. If the pandemic brought anything to light for me, it’s been that everyone can suffer from mental-health issues, including our children.
Part of me feels like we’ve beaten this topic like a dead horse, but if that were true, would we still see so much pain in our kids, so much hurt that our little ones, whose brains haven’t even fully developed yet, take their own lives?
I think a lot of us struggle with how to talk to our kids. Most of us remember what it was like when we were teens, but it’s no surprise that things are a little different now. I don’t remember having so much pressure put on me to be involved in after-school activities and sports, plus hold a part-time job on top of the everyday schoolwork that was given. Kids are resilient, yes, but even that resilience has its breaking point.
If you have a kid who is interested in keeping busy and being involved in a lot of extracurricular activities, it’s hard to know when to say “no more.” We want our kids to have experiences and learn from them, but at some point we have to know when it’s simply just too much. There is something to be said about having quiet times at home where everyone is home simply doing nothing. In our fast-paced world, that can be more healing than one may realize.
On the other hand, if your child is reluctant to join activities and you are struggling to get them involved in anything, it’s hard to know how much to push them out of their comfort zones. Forcing them into an activity they are not interested in can do more damage than good.
As parents we want to guide our kids and it can be so easy to fall into the role of the decision maker. After all, we do know more than they do, right? Well, that might not necessarily be true. Our kids are learning more than just how the world works and their academics, they’re learning who they are as people. The role of decision maker is starting to shift as they get into their pre-teen to teen years. I think the best thing we can do as parents is listen. Let your child tell you who they are, what they like, where their interests lie. That is not always as easy as it sounds.
I have a teen who is very involved in video games. I personally don’t like them; I would much rather have my teen pick up a book or go for a run or pretty much do anything but play video games. However, while our kids were on lockdown and couldn’t go to school in person, it became very apparent that being online and playing these games was the only way my kid could stay social and connect with his friends. A therapist even told me that video games help the shyer kids be more comfortable with making friends. I guess that is a silver lining.
The point is, sometimes as parents we need to sit back and let our kids take the wheel. More importantly, we need to listen. It’s not as easy for them to articulate what they are feeling, but if we show up prepared to listen, not to respond or judge, we might learn more about what is happening in our kids’ lives and will be better equipped to help them through the tough stuff.
