Let’s gather ‘round the campfire, folks! It’s time to sing Kumbaya. Hooray! Republicans and Democrats will finally get along.
Whoa! Better not count those chickens before they hatch. Already there is some off-key singing in the Kumbaya chorus, and the warm campfire fuzzies are about to break into fist-fights.
One example: The other day, House majority leader John Boehner, like a stern father to a reckless child, warned President Obama not to “play with matches.”
After their election triumph, Republicans control House and Senate. Will they start delivering on the promises they’ve made for the past six years? You see, they couldn’t get anything done before because they had to buck imperial Obama, Harry Reid and all the jackass Democrats. It was their fault. They obstructed every good idea put forward by put-upon Republicans. Such were their claims.
But now, they have a chance to deliver on their robust promises that include the following:
Jobs
Republicans have campaigned on jobs, jobs, jobs and strengthening the middle class, which are issues Americans consistently rate as high priorities. But, aside from beating their campaign drums, Republicans never spelled out a specific jobs plan other than hazy hints and the usual mantra – lowered taxes. Maybe they were keeping their plan secret so Democrats wouldn’t steal their thunder.
Now, they can unveil that plan in its glory and pass legislation that will get this economy boom-boom-booming, creating millions of good-paying jobs. Thus will the middle class be strengthened and the American Dream revived. There will be no more need for a minimum wage or food stamps.
This apparent miracle will not occur through wand-waving. It will be the result of lowering taxes, especially for the super-wealthy and corporations. With lower taxes to pay (for those who pay them at all, that is), corporations will invest more in job creation – thus new jobs and excellent wages. This is called “Trickle Down Theory,” which means, in a nutshell: Give the wealthiest more breaks, and they in turn will create more breaks for all Americans. It’s the French-fried, new-fangled Adam Smithian version of noblesse oblige, which is made de rigueur through utterly unregulated laissez faire.
Social issues
Congress, maybe with Supreme Court help, can maybe soon make any and all abortions illegal. They could also reverse decisions that made same-sex marriages legal, thus striking a decisive blow on behalf of real marriage, decency and morality. They can also put the kibosh on any efforts for gun-safety laws.
ObamaCare
They could, through death by a thousand cuts, finally exterminate every trace of ObamaCare – that dastardly pipe dream by a socialist president who is ruining this country’s health-care system and our freedom to choose, not to mention how that horrible law lets 10 million people – mostly deadbeats – get insurance practically for free, thanks to subsidies. Once they get rid of ObamaCare, Republicans can pass their own health-care reforms (another secret plan yet to be revealed).
Immigration
Finally, they can pass a bill to make the American-Mexican border impossible to cross this-a-way by beefing up security (more fences, more guards, shock wires, possibly alligator-infested moats?) For those illegals now here, there will be a path to citizenship but only after all of them are deported and wait in line again on that side of the moat.
Corruption
With Republicans in charge of investigatory committees, we will finally get to the bottom of those cesspools of corruption –Benghazi and the IRS – so long hushed up by Hillary and her fork-tailed minions.
Foreign policy
Have no fear. The new Congress will destroy ISIS and the Ebola virus in no time flat. They will do that by introducing policies (we don’t know what they are yet; they’re keeping them as a surprise). The new get-tough policies will end the molly-coddling practiced by the clueless Obama Administration.
The above speculations may sound like far-flung sarcastic broadsides. But, in fact, those exact solutions have been proposed repeatedly by Republicans, mainly by extremist ones who seem to have the upper hand in Republican congressional caucuses these days. Many voters, obviously, seem to agree with those solutions – to diminish Big Government and let unfettered free-market forces determine just about everything – the key, they believe, to a happy future.
Of course, there is one problem with Congress achieving goals. The presidential election is only two years away. Republicans must be careful not to pass anything that Obama and the Democrats might try to take credit for. They must also be careful, between their rock and hard place, not to pass anything that might anger Hispanics, Afro-Americans, women and younger voters, all of whom they will need to win the presidency next time around.
And there is yet another problem: Obama will use the veto, but Congress could hamstring him by making good on their repeated threats to sue him and/or to impeach him.
If these new Republicans succeed in taming their extremists and passing good legislation, more power to them, to us. Most of them, in their hearts, mean well for America as much as Democrats do. Let us dare to hope the seemingly “impossible” happens, a casting aside of extremists and a refreshing bi-partisan approach based on compromises.
But after so many years of witnessing do-nothing tactics, it’s hard to maintain hope these days. What’s called for is some kind of miracle. Let us pray.
